Love, in Words and Actions

Many of us have confused notions about what it means to be loved and cared about.

Many of us were loved and cared for by people who had discrepancies between what they said and did.

We may have had a mother or father who said, “I love you” to us, and then abandoned or neglected us, giving us confused ideas about love. Thus that pattern feels like love - the only love we knew.

Some of us may have been cared for by people who provided for our needs and said they loved us, but simultaneously abused or mistreated us. That, then, becomes our idea of love.

Some of us may have lived in emotionally sterile environments, where people said they loved us, but no feelings or nurturing were available. That may have become our idea of love.

We may learn to love others or ourselves the way we have been loved, or we may let others love us the way we have been loved, whether or not that feels good. It’s time to let our needs be met in ways that actually work. Unhealthy love may meet some surface needs, but not our need to be loved.

We can come to expect congruency in behavior from others. We can diminish the impact of words alone and insist that behavior and words match.

We can find the courage, when appropriate, to confront discrepancies in words and actions - not to shame, blame, or find fault, but to help us stay in touch with reality and with our needs.

We can give and receive love where behavior matches one’s words. We deserve to receive and give the best that love has to offer.

Today, I will be open to giving and receiving the healthiest love possible. I will watch for discrepancies between words and behaviors that confuse me and make me feel crazy. When that happens, I will understand that I am not crazy; I am in the midst of a discrepancy.

— The Language of Letting Go. (via comptonasskindra88)

(via clinicallydepressedpug)

Shame on all of us. Shame on us that we need to actually see the video tape of Janay Rice getting knocked unconscious to actually realize that violence against women took place in that elevator. Shame on the Ravens for treating violence against women like an exercise in public relations. Shame on the NFL for being so untrustworthy - whether we’re talking about concussions, players health, and now violence against women - that nobody in their right mind should believe them when they say that they haven’t seen this tape before. But most important, shame on all of us for not actually thinking about Janay Rice at this moment in particular and what it’s doing to her that this video tape is now being released and re-released. We were all very upset with good reason about celebrities having their photos hacked and their nudes out there, and what it means to click on those videos, I’m just wondering, if everybody clicking on this video tape, how does that serve the interests of Janay Rice in this very difficult time in her life? — Dave Zirin, on The Reid Report just now (via mar-see-ah)

(via lord-kitschener)

jawnthebaptiste:

kingjaffejoffer:

Michael Brown’s dad before the burial. 
The emotion and all of the sweat…. shit is hard to look at, even if its only a picture

I didn’t want to reblog this because it’s hard to look at, but people SHOULD see it.
We SHOULD see a father mourning his teenage son.
We SHOULD see how a killing like Mike’s can take a toll on not only a community, but a family.
It’s as easy for young black men to become martyrs as it is for them to become victims. They can never just be humans. 
We can never just be.

jawnthebaptiste:

kingjaffejoffer:

Michael Brown’s dad before the burial. 

The emotion and all of the sweat…. shit is hard to look at, even if its only a picture

I didn’t want to reblog this because it’s hard to look at, but people SHOULD see it.

We SHOULD see a father mourning his teenage son.

We SHOULD see how a killing like Mike’s can take a toll on not only a community, but a family.

It’s as easy for young black men to become martyrs as it is for them to become victims. They can never just be humans. 

We can never just be.

(via huffylemon)

huffy-lemon:

There could be terrorist attacks from Isis and everyone is getting their panties in a twist over the color of the suit Obama wore to the press conference.

queertodaygonetomorrow:

atane:

wristxrocket:

dear-drifter:

lilightfoot:

Remember.

his life was totally in danger.

^^^^

True story; this officer (John Pike) got a settlement of $38,000 because he said he got depressed after pepper spraying these kids. Oh, the depression wasn’t for feeling remorseful for pepper spraying a bunch of college kids peacefully protesting. He got depressed because he said since the media kept playing the video of him pepper spraying peaceful kids without cause, he got threats and didn’t feel safe. He didn’t feel safe. I’m not making that up. This motherfucker collected nearly 40 grand on worker’s comp after assaulting a bunch of college kids.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/23/pepper-spray-cop-settlement_n_4152147.html

queertodaygonetomorrow:

atane:

wristxrocket:

dear-drifter:

lilightfoot:

Remember.

his life was totally in danger.

^^^^

True story; this officer (John Pike) got a settlement of $38,000 because he said he got depressed after pepper spraying these kids. Oh, the depression wasn’t for feeling remorseful for pepper spraying a bunch of college kids peacefully protesting. He got depressed because he said since the media kept playing the video of him pepper spraying peaceful kids without cause, he got threats and didn’t feel safe. He didn’t feel safe. I’m not making that up. This motherfucker collected nearly 40 grand on worker’s comp after assaulting a bunch of college kids.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/23/pepper-spray-cop-settlement_n_4152147.html

(via mypatchworkreflection)

prewetts:

jordanleeemerson:

secretgaygent:

yungloki420:

imagine if girls used the same style of joke to degrade men like “cool story bro now go chop some lumber”

GO CHOP SOME LUMBER

"what r u doing out of the garage go fix my car"

(via trashboat)